Neurodiverse Couples

“We love each other, but it feels like we’re speaking different languages.”

 

If you or your partner are neurodivergent—whether autistic, ADHD, or otherwise—your relationship might have amazing strengths, but also unique struggles. Maybe one of you thrives on routine, while the other is spontaneous. Maybe one partner needs direct, literal communication, while the other relies on subtle cues. These differences aren’t the problem—but feeling misunderstood, unheard, or frustrated can be.​

​

Common Challenges in Neurodiverse Relationships

Here are some things I often hear from couples in therapy:

• "I feel like I have to translate everything I say so they ‘get it,’ and it’s exhausting."

• "They say I’m ‘too blunt’—but I’m just being honest! Why is that wrong?"

• "I need things to be predictable, and they change plans last minute like it’s nothing."

• "When I get overwhelmed, I shut down, and they take it personally."

• "I need reassurance, but they don’t express emotions the way I expect, so I feel unloved."

​

Sound familiar? These aren’t signs that your relationship is doomed. They’re signs that you need tools and strategies that work for your unique dynamic.

​

How I Can Help

1. Understanding & Managing Defense Mode

If your autistic partner shuts down or your ADHD partner seems emotionally distant, they might be in defense mode—a state where their nervous system is overwhelmed and they struggle to engage.

I help couples recognize the signs of autistic shutdowns, ADHD burnout, and defense mode so they aren’t mistaken for disinterest. Together, we learn how to de-escalate conflict when one partner is overloaded and then develop reconnection strategies that work for both partners.

​

2. Improving Communication in Neurodiverse Relationships

You don’t have to keep having the same arguments over and over. I help couples find a shared “language” that works for autistic and ADHD communication styles. We learn how to ask for what they need in a way that makes sense to their partner and then we are able to reduce misunderstandings and resentment by clarifying unspoken expectations.

​

3. Navigating Sensory & Emotional Differences

Your partner might not realize how overwhelming a noisy restaurant is for you, or how their avoidance of physical touch makes you feel rejected. We’ll explore ways to meet in the middle without either of you feeling like you’re sacrificing too much and how to respect each other’s sensory sensitivities while still feeling connected.

​

4. Managing Conflict Without Shutdowns or Blow-Ups

Arguments shouldn’t feel like one of you is talking at a wall while the other is overloaded and withdrawing. I help couples recognize early signs of shutdown, sensory overload, or ADHD impulsivity. This helps us to create pause-and-reset strategies to prevent fights from escalating and build structured communication tools that help neurodiverse couples express needs clearly.

​

5. Addressing Rejection Sensitivity & Emotional Connection

If one or both of you experiences rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) or struggles with emotional expression, you may feel like love isn’t being given or received in a way that makes sense to you. In therapy, we’ll work on understanding different ways of expressing affection and reassurance which decreases anxiety around perceived rejection. As a result, both partners will feel appreciated and emotionally secure.

​

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

Neurodiverse couples can build deeply fulfilling relationships—with the right support. Therapy isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about understanding each other, improving communication, and creating a partnership where both of you feel valued.

If you’re ready to stop struggling through the same patterns and start truly connecting, reach out today to schedule a consultation for neurodiverse couples therapy.